Monthly Archives: December 2014

i am the crow *new music*

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Have you ever heard that there is never enough time in the day? Totally feeling that but in a good way. 2014 brought many changes, including incorporating writing into music, and here we are launching off into a new year.

Happy New Year everyone!

i am the crow

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I hope everyone has a happy end of the year! Below is a poem written by an amazing person/friend ❤

one day, one time, one year
i hath found the girl it is clear
her hair burns like flames of night
her eyes pierce like an eagle's sight

one touch, one laugh, one kiss
i hath remembered a girl i know I will miss
her skin so soft her warmth so true
one is only one until there is two

two hearts, two souls, two bodies
singing in the moonlight
burning, hurting, loving, dying, living
harmonies cut through the fog like a knife
only to bring light , after darkness always comes light
after pain always comes pleasure
after one always comes two

Room #13

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I vanished from this plane of reality and
found myself lost and delirious
Shutting eyes, to block out the distorted shapes with their blindingly confusing colors and patterns
My head slowly tilting to the left, either from the lack of strength or from trying to keep up with line of sight
My temples pounding, disconnecting from the rigidity of skin
Stretching out wide in fleshy cones of self, as far out as both arms’ reach
Before turning inward and sucking into touch together through brain

Spinning, spiinnning, noises, voices, worried feelings; paralyzed with only one concern or thought
Breathe….breathe….Breathe….
Spinning, spiinnning, movement, shouting, anxious feelings; paralyzed with only one concern or thought
Breathe….breathe….Breathe….breathe

I’m unsure of how many minutes were passed during my mental chant
My face pressed into the carpet, body heavy; cannot move, don’t dare to think, try to breathe, Breathe! Breathe!

My last abled act of motion, using thumb to pry mouth open;
hoping that the wider inhalation of air would suffocate the demons
facing me as I lay dying
“Please, I want to live”

My heartfelt plea meant to be shouted but only resulting in the salty tears mixing in with my body’s sweat

Even through the sickness of mind and of body, I realized my formal introduction to the Angel of Death
It was now or, it would just be at some other point in time, later
Death was curious as to who I was, who I am
He came into me and stole every hidden treasure and stone, even those buried beneath the memories I don’t try as hard to forget and also the ones that I haven’t even witnessed yet
I willed myself to move, to raise up, to escape, to do anything but
My body didn’t exist, the battle of my life raged within my head
Death demanding the best of myself at my most weakest state of mind;
My thoughts twisting into mixed up words and phrases, not making sense; my body’s determination for survival, shutting down all general processing abilities
And any hope to persuade Death

Death’s first impression must have convinced of his want for another crossed-out name;
the ambulance told to pull over
Death claiming
My heart stopping
Body shutting down
Death calculating
Fever dreams enveloped my time of awareness
Carnival scenes with raging blue sirens singing out the whirling voices of songs that I’ve sung on my own

Ambulance moving, consciousness blurred between fairytales and reality
The blood pumping, flowing
Death loosening his grips
My ever stubborn heart refusing to quit
I found myself lost within a World of shadows and hooded figures dressed in black
There was no pain except the unanswered questions of impatient confusions, floating within the Universe;
a space of quiet bliss with Death as my companion and my only friend

Motion, lights, pain, color, Pain!
LOUD NOISESSSES
stomach churning from my overconfident eyes that are crossing from the force of attempting to keep them open
Suffocating smells, cloth robe
White stickers attaching me to
the wires wrapped through my hair, under my back, around my legs, clipped to my fingers, shoved into my nose, taped to my chest, stuck into my arms

The beep Beep beep Beep beep Beep
waking me up in Hospital Room #13

I am grateful for battles won (September 15, 2014) ❤

*insert title*

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Sunrise, Sunset
When I closed my eyes, I wasn’t alive
I wasn’t a body, a thing
Only, just the fluttering pieces of fractal light
twinkling between the dark and the light
During sunrise and sunset

….Random statements to stimulate thought, create force of habit to ignore the bullshit and to feel silent for a moment, sometimes I want to be….

The Married Woman
To be with her was more than anything he had ever wanted
He could give her his heart but he could never have her;
in the physically, mentally, and soulfully awarded expectations that some experience
So he gave up.

Holiday
A body bounded to nothing
Perhaps, having to abandon ship
to feel the tidal pull while
swimming in the ocean
Just another perfect holiday
of sandy beaches and palm trees

Shoes
You try on girls like a new pair of shoes
Feet shoved all of the way in, stomping out all of the inconsistencies that cramp your style.

Escalator
If the mind can emulate the body’s
progressional steps up an escalator staircase
Then we know that one can
decide to not go up, but it will
take you there anyway.
Although, if you choose to walk down, it
may take you longer but at least
it was a direction of will.

I am grateful for random moments ❤