Room #13



I vanished from this plane of reality and
found myself lost and delirious
Shutting eyes, to block out the distorted shapes with their blindingly confusing colors and patterns
My head slowly tilting to the left, either from the lack of strength or from trying to keep up with line of sight
My temples pounding, disconnecting from the rigidity of skin
Stretching out wide in fleshy cones of self, as far out as both arms’ reach
Before turning inward and sucking into touch together through brain

Spinning, spiinnning, noises, voices, worried feelings; paralyzed with only one concern or thought
Spinning, spiinnning, movement, shouting, anxious feelings; paralyzed with only one concern or thought

I’m unsure of how many minutes were passed during my mental chant
My face pressed into the carpet, body heavy; cannot move, don’t dare to think, try to breathe, Breathe! Breathe!

My last abled act of motion, using thumb to pry mouth open;
hoping that the wider inhalation of air would suffocate the demons
facing me as I lay dying
“Please, I want to live”

My heartfelt plea meant to be shouted but only resulting in the salty tears mixing in with my body’s sweat

Even through the sickness of mind and of body, I realized my formal introduction to the Angel of Death
It was now or, it would just be at some other point in time, later
Death was curious as to who I was, who I am
He came into me and stole every hidden treasure and stone, even those buried beneath the memories I don’t try as hard to forget and also the ones that I haven’t even witnessed yet
I willed myself to move, to raise up, to escape, to do anything but
My body didn’t exist, the battle of my life raged within my head
Death demanding the best of myself at my most weakest state of mind;
My thoughts twisting into mixed up words and phrases, not making sense; my body’s determination for survival, shutting down all general processing abilities
And any hope to persuade Death

Death’s first impression must have convinced of his want for another crossed-out name;
the ambulance told to pull over
Death claiming
My heart stopping
Body shutting down
Death calculating
Fever dreams enveloped my time of awareness
Carnival scenes with raging blue sirens singing out the whirling voices of songs that I’ve sung on my own

Ambulance moving, consciousness blurred between fairytales and reality
The blood pumping, flowing
Death loosening his grips
My ever stubborn heart refusing to quit
I found myself lost within a World of shadows and hooded figures dressed in black
There was no pain except the unanswered questions of impatient confusions, floating within the Universe;
a space of quiet bliss with Death as my companion and my only friend

Motion, lights, pain, color, Pain!
stomach churning from my overconfident eyes that are crossing from the force of attempting to keep them open
Suffocating smells, cloth robe
White stickers attaching me to
the wires wrapped through my hair, under my back, around my legs, clipped to my fingers, shoved into my nose, taped to my chest, stuck into my arms

The beep Beep beep Beep beep Beep
waking me up in Hospital Room #13

I am grateful for battles won (September 15, 2014) ❤

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