Pixelated Cartoon Experiences

Bursting into thought, I found myself standing in the middle

of the desert

Joshua trees scattered like gravestones, a prickly contrast
against the red earth and the vibrant blue sky

I found myself walking forward, or at least in a direction
other than ‘avoidance’

Rocks littered the earth underfoot, granular shapes of all
kind squished into nothing from my passing

Sunshine beating down on shoulders and face, not overbearing
but pleasant like the way it might feel to sink down into a hot bath or wrap up
in a blanket fresh out of the dryer

Finally at peace, even if alone and lost within the reality
unfolding

Large pairs of lips floated overhead, hanging like clouds; smiling
slightly, teeth shining, biting and tensing – not disagreeably – but seemingly mimicking
each movement until they were one of the same

The heavens swayed by makeshift appearances, pixelated
cartoon experiences; all attention must wander…

Associating self, wondering if there’s an existing connection
to the hovering mouths waiting for a time and a space to speak

If maybe this was a sign of a new beginning; a nudge of encouragement
to find a voice and release the vaporous toxins that have been progressively
choking any chance for a breath of fresh air…

Reflecting on the experience like a photograph – remembering
how each pair of lips laid sprawled out and suspended overhead; looking for a confidante
like a lonely and abandoned kite

I am grateful for turning another year older 💕

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Swimming Ducks

Across the street. Madison, WI 8/30/18

Oh sweltering morning, your humid heat consumes
Beads of sweat rolling freely down spine

The daily ritual rising up into awareness

Taking over movement

Succumbing to habit

I swear it wasn’t I, Mother Earth of the divine!

Salty tears sapping spirit and drowning body

Compressing focus

Missed opportunities of silence

Some might spend their days in wonder

Of the sky and the trails ablaze above

In my place, I’ll be down at the bottom

Of the puddles, as ducks swim overhead

I am grateful for the sun ❤

That one time I tried to get spiritual in Florida

She read us before we walked in.

Predacious eyes desperate for a sale dilated in excitement; interest
amassing as sticky consciousness lingered and hung heavy.

Her henchman leading you on a trail of an altered path – you were gone,
gone, gone…topic of persuasion influencing your thoughts and next, down I
went.

Her glare searing through me with an intimate awareness; intruding my
memories and claiming witness to the anguish enveloping.

Death shining out from my flesh like a blinking neon sign;
strengthening her hold in the familiarity of the invasion – awarding her an
easy defeat in my uncensored broadcast.

Raven claw-like talons flicking upward in motion as if to physically
grasp my attention.

I fought through the temptation as if swimming through murky water.

Hollow whispers shaped into words willing to be heard: “Don’t give in,
don’t let go! There’s only you swimming down at the bottom of the pool.”

Eyes betrayed as line of sight bonded direct from pupil to pupil.

Time distorted from the present leading us into all of the time that it
wasn’t.

Gazing on in a trance; losing self within her past experiences down,
down, down…ending in images of black flower petals falling dead to bury what
looked to be snakeskin remnants – her shocked expression at my unintentional intrusion.

My body quivering in anticipation of release, the connected trail of
darkness within fortifying before setting me free.

Isolated and detecting first physical responses, swaying side to side
feeling sick in the weakness.

A complete break; both parties pulsating in absence of feeling.
Temporarily numbed of active thought as bodies demanded attention.

I escaped her madness and retreated to the ocean; frantic to throw away
her clinging presence into the moon laden tide.

Finding relief standing in the salty water; I fantasized my flesh melting
off into the sand so as to become an anchor of this World.

Ghostly well wishes blew in from over the waves making me feel at peace;
the rhythmic cadence of churning waters dancing at my feet.

Heels descending, sinking further in.

Hoping to balance the weight of the other; advocating I’ve earned the
right to feel complete in myself.

Fighting for belief but claiming all the same.

I am grateful for music:
https://youtu.be/9FIRTw609o8

Natural State

Focus wanders as sight’s death revels in the freedom
of the moment

Sitting shell travels from present state into
contemplativeness

One, two, three, four…

Toes delicately dipped in exchange for tickling
relief

The hollering caw of birds drowns out any disbelief

Five, six, seven…

Rooted in memory, dedicated in determination of control

Here – underneath the canopy hovering lime green above

Eight, nine…

Time devolves in consequence of its defeat

There is nothing now so only now are we present

TTTENNN

Eruption roars out and lands in chest

Pulsatingly startles self into something tangible again

Veiling haze stretches in pursuit of a full embrace

Trapped in reality, not here – far from a natural state

I am grateful for trees ❤

Desire

Casey Weldon

Distant relations sit in waiting, eyeing the fray in astute attention

Denigrating their young for want of substance while toasting to their fill;

bottom’s up!

If not desire – you, y’all, youse guys – announce
naiveté in all steps forward;

graciously forgiving in your all-knowing published analyses:

left hand(s) holding
magnifying glass, right hand(s) smudged red in discontent…

How lucky one is to feel
present, to mature in blooming ecstasy!

Admired by the
collective witness; pieces of bouquet laid to waste in a

passerby’s pretty petal
plucking

The sun – hanging above soapbox
– in a state of egocentric pining;

woke in its awareness of
absolute necessity:

rebuking others’ flutterings
while savoring the understanding

They’ve said there’s a
fool’s will that keeps the light shining

Or perhaps, an innocence
in the depths of the frequencies a buzzin’

We travel deep – fingernails
extended from wing – scratching into an ethereal sense of purpose;

make-believing coincidence
after each last word has been written

Louder yet, metallic cries
continue to silent the patronage:

Flying, failing; a
traveler seeking only to feel self in a familiar existence

I am grateful for Spring
❤

Shadows

Unknown

I awoke refreshed, mangled but content

Fire still burning but weakening; smoking ash

Desiccation of flesh left encrusted and cracked

Top layers curling, blisters long since absent

“You’ll never be recognized by anyone.”

I am the darkness surrounding the outer rim of thought

“Your reflection only seen as the byproduct of those who care to look”

I can feel tragedy in my blood clouding the way forward

I can’t get it out of my head
always in my head

God, such fucking nonsense

Is there really a god?

Because I can’t feel good here

Obsessing what could have been

Defending position based off of best judgment

What are these words anyway

Subjective bullshit to manipulate feelings

Knowing I can’t get it out of my head

always in my head
You, the ever elusive figure in the dark
Me, just someone standingin front of the mirror

I am grateful for Friday ❤

Lost to Silver

 

 

© Pavel Buzev

 

 

It starts, as two wooden blocks scrape together

Why, I don’t know why

Feather-light tickles fan out and scatter

Caressing back of neck and enveloping on and over top of head

The light, blinding behind closed eyes

The light, ever haunting in the background sky

Disappears into blue fireworks as it all fades away

My view forward of nothing other than this black hole

Reaching out, fingertips penetrate

Why, I don’t know why

Diving crown first into the unknown

Finding oneself lost in the eternal shadows

With only memories to guide the way out

Everything’s gone, lost to silver

 

I am grateful to end a chapter and to begin a new one ❤