Tag Archives: Musings

Insert Title XI

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It’s a long drive home but I don’t mind
Sunset orange splashes can make any town look pretty
With its cat scratched clouds glowing pink within the crevices
I can feel it when close but for those who don’t know they
See tall, tall pine trees that crowd all roads leading to
Any and every destination of being absolutely nowhere


There’s a lit up cross on the hillside
That watches over the highway at night
I think about it sometimes as I lay awake
When dream stays away
I can’t help but imagine those who built it
This shining beacon of intent

Claiming Jesus is the answer
From the hope of others on…
the path to salvation!
They sacrifice life for promises
In their waiting for death
Now heavy is the black water
Flooding the world again
We drive by this symbol of blood

made out of metal and wires
Those otherwise unconcerned

letting emotions run dry
Who rules the life of the dead?
Yes, only those who are self possessed
Cutting in line to show true devotion,
Claiming last drops of grape juice during communion

Just to
Complete the sacred ritual practiced
One Sunday every month


dh1
A cold wind knocked me out
You know, I didn’t hear a sound
I feel it all
No one would ever know.
I wouldn’t ask you to break
I don’t need an escape
It’s only you when reality fades
They’re gone, no words left to say.
(c) You live a while, you try too hard x2
When the sun goes down and it gets real cold, you pinch yourself so you’re not alone
When you love a while you try too.
Such an odd way to go on
You know I could never love anyone else
I see all of you
Don’t go, I’ll be here real soon
(c)


Oh death
You had me
All wrapped up
Like a present to give on Christmas
Wooden little boxes,
Coffin dreams at the ready
The last year, oh yea
I think you really had me
But I’m here now
Dirty and bruised,
A little weathered
I know my place,
Not in the ground with you
It’s the simple things
That keep awake each day
And all there is
Is maybe enough


dh2
Sometimes, I get so confused
When the ache burns on and on
And I know there’s no hope left
Is it real..maybe it’s not..we’ll never know
I thought I saw you in my dreams
When you told me to wake up
Now I’m left with haunting memories
About a time and place that never was
(c)If this is how it should be, how could I let myself believe?
I never asked you for anything, just a little love for me
Sometimes when I finally stop thinking
I find myself wanting you a little
At one time, it must have been perfect
Or maybe it wasn’t


Of you 11.13
I saw it then, a new born utopia
Glowing radiance in your love
Feeling pain of my own
With the differences helping identify self
The river washed the rain away
In my euphoria of you
In you, looking through myself in a much needed recall of lost information
Strobing blue lights catching attention
Before the next song starts and thoughts wander
Exploring, exploding…seeking and
Feeling at peace, or at least stable in a new understanding
Grounding self with the very mind that took it all away;
abandoned when most vulnerable.
If I could tell you I would, and so much more than I know
The phoenix rises, a star is born
Imagining what I’ve become
What I am in every memory, thought, premonition
The universe gives birth, then a rebirth occurs…over and over again
So you can understand my confusion
Relate to my sense of belonging but never fitting in
It’s a weird place, this underneath and between the layers
You never know who you might find or which one of yourselves will come to surface
I think I’ll try this one out for a while

I am grateful for city lights ❤️

both sides of light

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I awoke in the familiar spruce-fir forest

as the bottom of the sky started to glow.

The salmon orange hue filling me up

warming soul to the thought of a new day.

Darkness skulking, hesitant but knowing its time is done

a soldier of Morpheus following the command in full retreat.

With no thought for the fair Luna

ever hopeful to embrace the rays of the sun.

I welcomed her at first breath

as one able to love both sides of light.

Wondering if the affair would ever be won but we’ll never know

feeling a trespasser in this mood of liminal comfort.

Thoughts I laid to rest in the familiar spruce-fir forest

as a brilliant blanket of stars folded out overhead.

I am grateful for Dream ❤

In the doldrums

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On a lake up north – 2020

Quiet time…no

Maybe never again

Commiserating in the doldrums

This ever deafening passion consumes entirely

Never enough

But we give, and give, and give

I surrendered long before I was born

A fool’s gift to reclaim this stubborn World

Existence

Horrifyingly ridiculous

Covid panic crafting terror dreams in anxiety

And all the time to consider sociopathic aspirations

They kill

Through their words

And with the influence of bargain-counter dogmas

A kiss to apathy in hopes of starving what intelligence is left

Here’s to the sun

To all my scattered fragments

Resigned to an act of squeezing eyes shut for centuries

Limitless as fireflies of love rather than bending to consciousness

An image

A forgotten reflection

A misplaced memory you once had

Really never meant anything to anyone at all anyway

I am grateful for spellcheck ❤

Bird and Fish

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Bird and Fish

Looking for artifacts in the abyss –

Confused as I was (am), as angry as I got (get)
I forgot (forget) we’re both floating.
Aimlessly, eternally;
having given up on the rescue long ago.
I’m sorry – I AM SORRY – yea, I really mean it this time!
I never meant to make you apologize.
I never meant for your nightmarish anguish, or mine.
Hanging onto the precipice has always felt ‘right’
Never knowing what reality we dream.
I want you to be fine
I want you to keep trying, to fucking stay alive.
Whether we’re floating on top of the clouds or in the deepest of water
I don’t always mind the discomfort as long as we’re floating together.

Really real or not.


What that means for your weather…could you answer the same of mine?

I am grateful for new ❤

Insert Title X

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They say he continues to exist there, in ethereal abandonment –

a place

half removed from his liminal state.

The Fall

claiming keeper to all of what (who) was lost

but these

fragments of ruminations linger.

It’s noiseless, save for the shrill cries ringing in head.

Memories

fade in and out as puzzle pieces scatter;

perceptual abnormalities distorting, twisting time and space.

Confusion

builds doubt into something unrecognizable again…

another nebulous

recollection.

– if I were

she and he were me –

We’d

recognize ourselves in each other;

am I wrong?

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Humming or – someone singing into THE apparent nothing

Unknowingly

except for me.

Melody

trailing softly, floating. Finding me effortlessly.

Endlessly

sweet but finishing a bit defiantly –

or perhaps

a projection of my own truth?

Heart

pounding loudly, hanging in the silence

Waiting, as

if the entire world was listening;

but there

was only me and

my breath

hanging in the air.

My single friend in the cold night;

despite it

being June on a Midwestern summer’s day.

The evoked

sensation sending chills down my spine

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Beautiful aching love!

Oh how time defies me

Wrapped up in the day to day

Instead of comfortably in your arms…

I guess there’s always tomorrow.

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And then look at you, you grew up into a body celebrated, famous –

or perhaps it’s just you. You’ve always been destined for greatness;

maybe this was the only relatable obtainment in this day and age.

Regardless, I’d be lying if I said my happiness for you is simply selfless

I AM selfish and find myself disgusted in the habitual nonsense 

It’s challenging here but we shuffle the playlist…

…on the worst days, the best songs are worthy of repeating over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and…

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Nothing profound at all to say but goddamn! my heart is bursting with emotion

An ugly nagging response to my intended apathy

Perverting my mood of something worthy of meaning

The weight of the unsaid resting heavy…

Attempting to not get defensive and build barriers of dissociation. 

I am grateful for love ❤

Inside / Out

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Inside / Out

You see there’s a light on in the next room as a few beams sneak out from under the doorframe.
But you’ve never seen the room.
Or what’s inside.
You only know of the shadows that sometime appear, casting dancing figures on the floor in front of you as you remain in the dark.
It’s quiet when you stop to listen but you miss what you don’t hear.
Silence sending you down the spiral staircase of thought, where existence has no meaning or truth.
Where you can haunt among the ghosts.

You always thought truth is a fickle concept anyway.
You see there’s a light on in the next room as a few beams sneak out from under the doorframe.
But you’ve never knocked on the door.
Or asked who’s there.

 

I am grateful for a bit of free time. ❤

“DIE CORPORATE AMERICA”

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“DIE CORPORATE AMERICA”
yelled the graying man
as he rode by on his bicycle.
A wind suit of blue blurring my vision;
his continued rantings inaudible…
Not that I felt compelled to engage in the conversation,
one-sided as it was.

Startled, I stared after him,
my eyes following his retreating figure.
Burning through feelings of opinions
that constantly linger in question.
Now, a few new ones to add to the collection;
with anger driving the day to day commitment (or just pathetic misery).

I examined myself completely – again;
mind, soul, body…clothing.
Lunch break dog walks for existential evaluations.
Adding to the focus of all of the moments building
into total nonrecognition of what IN THE MOMENT means.
Untucked collared shirt creating a liminal picture of me;
walking the line, living multiple lives at the same time.
“DIE CORPORATE AMERICA”
What an archaic response to today’s ennui.

I am grateful for all perspectives.

Memories from 8-20-13

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Paths 8-20-13

How many paths must we cross,

Must we stumble through;

Guessing which part of the fork is best positioned for the tastiest bite?

To chew on the destination of thoughts that enable blood to pump and flow

Parallel to the bordered trail like a stream;

A continuous reminder of water and the other elements one person needs to survive

Removing the requirements of life and focusing on all that is surrendered

To a compartmentalized pandora’s box

Categorizing important cargo in a wooden reminder of vulnerability

Dried salmon candle wax puddled on the cracked surface

Staining the purity of all that embraces my mind

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People Are Strange

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People Are Strange

People are going to be mean. They will be inconsiderate and sometimes cruel or unsympathetic in their expectations and understanding. We will misunderstand one another and create barriers of disassociation. And it hurts. This pain, it can bring out the worst in us. It can distort how we interact with others. How we see ourselves or even, how we believe others see us in return. People are going to use you. They will manipulate your pain, sometimes without meaning. They will let their insecurities drive focus of opinion into a kind-of forced interpretation of reality that only ever exists in their minds. We lose ourselves in the isolation of thought. We lose each other.

“People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down”

I am grateful for moments of clarity in connecting to others

Cloak and Dagger

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The Masked Archer – Romaine Brooks

Illusional words slice through time and space

As a sharpened arrow might

Pointed dagger at the ready to penetrate

or, hoping to get lost along the journey?

With intent or target concealed in prose

Suspicion incites assumptions

Doth the protagonist plan foul play

or, is thee a hero of fables?

Allegorical motives pursue to embolden heart

Uncertain, as there’s only one cloaked player

I say –

Speak now or forever hold your tongue

There’s no peace in your silence.

The near and far continue to ask…

“How does one talk to strangers?”

The responses stolen by some passionate,

passive familiarities of understanding

Phantom answers to inquiries from the shadows.

I am grateful for all of the storytellers.

“How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spreads his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!”