Tag Archives: Thoughts

Desire

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Casey Weldon

Distant relations sit in waiting, eyeing the fray in astute attention

Denigrating their young for want of substance while toasting to their fill;

bottom’s up!

If not desire – you, y’all, youse guys – announce
naiveté in all steps forward;

graciously forgiving in your all-knowing published analyses:

left hand(s) holding
magnifying glass, right hand(s) smudged red in discontent…

How lucky one is to feel
present, to mature in blooming ecstasy!

Admired by the
collective witness; pieces of bouquet laid to waste in a

passerby’s pretty petal
plucking

The sun – hanging above soapbox
– in a state of egocentric pining;

woke in its awareness of
absolute necessity:

rebuking others’ flutterings
while savoring the understanding

They’ve said there’s a
fool’s will that keeps the light shining

Or perhaps, an innocence
in the depths of the frequencies a buzzin’

We travel deep – fingernails
extended from wing – scratching into an ethereal sense of purpose;

make-believing coincidence
after each last word has been written

Louder yet, metallic cries
continue to silent the patronage:

Flying, failing; a
traveler seeking only to feel self in a familiar existence

I am grateful for Spring

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Shadows

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Unknown

I awoke refreshed, mangled but content

Fire still burning but weakening; smoking ash

Desiccation of flesh left encrusted and cracked

Top layers curling, blisters long since absent

“You’ll never be recognized by anyone.”

I am the darkness surrounding the outer rim of thought

“Your reflection only seen as the byproduct of those who care to look”

I can feel tragedy in my blood clouding the way forward

I can’t get it out of my head
always in my head

God, such fucking nonsense

Is there really a god?

Because I can’t feel good here

Obsessing what could have been

Defending position based off of best judgment

What are these words anyway

Subjective bullshit to manipulate feelings

Knowing I can’t get it out of my head

always in my head
You, the ever elusive figure in the dark
Me, just someone standingin front of the mirror

I am grateful for Friday ❤

Lost to Silver

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Image result for silver explosion

 

© Pavel Buzev

 

 

It starts, as two wooden blocks scrape together

Why, I don’t know why

Feather-light tickles fan out and scatter

Caressing back of neck and enveloping on and over top of head

The light, blinding behind closed eyes

The light, ever haunting in the background sky

Disappears into blue fireworks as it all fades away

My view forward of nothing other than this black hole

Reaching out, fingertips penetrate

Why, I don’t know why

Diving crown first into the unknown

Finding oneself lost in the eternal shadows

With only memories to guide the way out

Everything’s gone, lost to silver

 

I am grateful to end a chapter and to begin a new one ❤

Ghost

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“The Ghost Inside” by Alex Michele 

What a thrill to follow time through its linear course

where I can’t ignore the impulses of mind and body

losing self to whatever it is that could or might be within me;

as in a lost and lonely shadow hovering freely

or just some nonsense, metaphorically pleasing.

The vision flashed a second after the sensation

mind stumbling upon memories outside of reality;

curious if wealth is found in the tragedy of persistence

and the act of being consumed by waiting…wanting?

I forgot what I was supposed to be saying…

what was once thought was ridiculed as naiveite;

we sit here and wonder what the other one is thinking

knowing and denying even through the blinding confirmations.

You elected to run and in that I chose to hide

despite the force pumping haunting wishes inside;

the mysterious ghost, created in pursuit of knowledge but

defeated by self-expectations of others’ in comparison.

 

I am grateful for 2017 but relieved to be moving on to new beginnings. I hope everyone has a safe and happy transition into the new year! ❤

Questions & Answers

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Surreal Self Portraits – Fire Head

Surreal Self Portraits – Fire Head; www.whitezine.com

Whirling figure twisting into submission
Hidden wishes forgotten in transition
Splitting headache throbs senses sweeping
Unable to distinguish the remains in the ashes

The flames die down, it’s dying now
You’re dying, we’re all dying so we all fall down

Down into the abyss in the shadows of thought
Who am I to fucking judge your last moment with our insatiable gods?
Hats off to existence, lonely soldier flapping in the breeze.
To answer any of THE questions
To glance but lose focus in concentrating rather than

being inattentive of anything and understanding it all
We kill DIE kill DIE kill
Ourselves in the days and the nights when
no one seems to have any of our answers
No one knows anything

So, we continue to laugh at and distrust the other…
Fuck that, the saying’s not quite true, is it?
We all own a little bit of experience
Enough to engage in hive philosophy when

one thing or another brings us together
I may not be an intelligent human
I may not be a successful person
I may not be mentally stable in any form
But I am responsible as someone from 8-5,

although hard to recognize; hardly noticeable at all to you darlin’.
Too convenient, the time it takes to think about the

empty spaces floating ’round brain
Filling up the voids with abhorrence

Sentient in its desperation
Penetrating mind, body, and soul
Raping deepthroat of voicing HELP
What does HELP even fucking mean anymore?

I guess we do as we please as we believe in our own answers

againandagainandagainandagainagainagainagainagainagain

I beg you, ‘let’s run away from this war’

but if you choose to refuse then I’ll remain as well.
Don’t you dare…don’t you leave me out of the final battle
Through it all, I’ve never been just the spectator, the nurturer

As I fight my way through the shit and dirt that we call Home
For this is you and your calling waves of disassociation, fuck nature
And its ways of always coming full circle.

I am grateful for our connection ❤

Insert Title VIII

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Puffing out cheeks, I smile
Never an appropriate participator
Sweetness perfumes, I inhale
Swallow
Another glass of wine gone
Purple lips stained for the night

The devil’s dancing on the wall
Riding his favorite bull
Smiling all the while
The room glows in a honey hue
Unnoticeable unless hazy eyes
glaze and lose focus
Thick air smelling of moisture
No escaping the enveloping heart
Heavy and pounding in the distance
Unmistakingly broken, no fix requested
Is it me or is it you, it IS me who guesses
What’s next is nothing more than crazy
If the monster gets its way

Constant hum keeping me moving forward
With age we get colder, words I never expected to hear from that stoner
And what do I care now?
Only examining the day as the moon calls to its end
It’s never silent anymore
Destination as only discovered by the one observing
And we see him there, in all of his glory
We rejoice in the successes that greet us
And blame whatever gets in our way:

Sex/Drugs/Guilt

I am she of a thousand dreams
Seeker of fables through lifetimes
No questions asked, unless you forget…
It isn’t me you really see anyhow
Opening self up to what has always been enough and accepting the guilt that time could never erase
We chase the rabbit in this godforsaken race hoping that at the end of the day we’ll be given our due thanks
Each day bringing another outstretched palm
Not towards the heavens…
Face to face, these hands are always wanting

For this is you and your calling waves of dissassociation, fuck nature
And it’s ways of always coming full circle

 

I am grateful for what I don’t understand  ❤

Office Lights

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City Street At Night Wallpaper Desktop Background by Stina Haglundh

 

In the dark of night, the city burned

Lamp haze illuminating out towards alleys and their mysterious corners,

Ordinary objects of notice depending on circumstance

Lining the drive forward one beacon after another

 

The car encapsulating our secret, you distant

Yellow windows arranged into faces peered down and I just kept thinking,

“how many of those poor lonely bastards are still caged in their towers?”

Whether intentionally or not

 

It was at this moment that my voice betrayed me

Completely consumed by the lit geometry of society

I didn’t feel your attention, didn’t hear your question

But there I was replying to something worth answering

“I hate it here.”

 

The last word trailing off into the hum of the car engine

Shadowy fingers of night reaching out and grabbing any response given,

I found myself silenced in the despair of confusion

Bewildered by my bizarre state-of-being

 

You kept driving to the center of everything

The weight of your hesitation creeping over the center console,

Isolating my thoughts to focus on sensing rather than seeing

As we always tend to do

 

Eyes glued to the graveled shoulder of pavement

Never daring to confirm if you were still in the car with me,

Knowing and questioning through the silence

Feeling insecure and lost in the absence

Thinking back, I’m not sure where I meant by ‘here’

The metropolis mirroring my favorites of experience,

Chicago, New York, Dublin, Miami

Visions design a conglomerate of what it is and what I’d like it to be

 

Claiming architect to discern the meaning, if any

Retelling the story as if there’s supposed to be an epiphany,

Over and over the memories tickle reasoning

As flashes of office lights dance behind my eyes

 

I am grateful for car rides ❤