Inside / Out

You see there’s a light on in the next room as a few beams sneak out from under the doorframe.
But you’ve never seen the room.
Or what’s inside.
You only know of the shadows that sometime appear, casting dancing figures on the floor in front of you as you remain in the dark.
It’s quiet when you stop to listen but you miss what you don’t hear.
Silence sending you down the spiral staircase of thought, where existence has no meaning or truth.
Where you can haunt among the ghosts.

You always thought truth is a fickle concept anyway.
You see there’s a light on in the next room as a few beams sneak out from under the doorframe.
But you’ve never knocked on the door.
Or asked who’s there.

 

I am grateful for a bit of free time. ❤

People Are Strange

People are going to be mean. They will be inconsiderate and sometimes cruel or unsympathetic in their expectations and understanding. We will misunderstand one another and create barriers of disassociation. And it hurts. This pain, it can bring out the worst in us. It can distort how we interact with others. How we see ourselves or even, how we believe others see us in return. People are going to use you. They will manipulate your pain, sometimes without meaning. They will let their insecurities drive focus of opinion into a kind-of forced interpretation of reality that only ever exists in their minds. We lose ourselves in the isolation of thought. We lose each other.

“People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down”

https://youtu.be/Lit0Jxv-ks4

I am grateful for moments of clarity in connecting to others

Desire

Casey Weldon

Distant relations sit in waiting, eyeing the fray in astute attention

Denigrating their young for want of substance while toasting to their fill;

bottom’s up!

If not desire – you, y’all, youse guys – announce
naiveté in all steps forward;

graciously forgiving in your all-knowing published analyses:

left hand(s) holding
magnifying glass, right hand(s) smudged red in discontent…

How lucky one is to feel
present, to mature in blooming ecstasy!

Admired by the
collective witness; pieces of bouquet laid to waste in a

passerby’s pretty petal
plucking

The sun – hanging above soapbox
– in a state of egocentric pining;

woke in its awareness of
absolute necessity:

rebuking others’ flutterings
while savoring the understanding

They’ve said there’s a
fool’s will that keeps the light shining

Or perhaps, an innocence
in the depths of the frequencies a buzzin’

We travel deep – fingernails
extended from wing – scratching into an ethereal sense of purpose;

make-believing coincidence
after each last word has been written

Louder yet, metallic cries
continue to silent the patronage:

Flying, failing; a
traveler seeking only to feel self in a familiar existence

I am grateful for Spring
❤

Shadows

Unknown

I awoke refreshed, mangled but content

Fire still burning but weakening; smoking ash

Desiccation of flesh left encrusted and cracked

Top layers curling, blisters long since absent

“You’ll never be recognized by anyone.”

I am the darkness surrounding the outer rim of thought

“Your reflection only seen as the byproduct of those who care to look”

I can feel tragedy in my blood clouding the way forward

I can’t get it out of my head
always in my head

God, such fucking nonsense

Is there really a god?

Because I can’t feel good here

Obsessing what could have been

Defending position based off of best judgment

What are these words anyway

Subjective bullshit to manipulate feelings

Knowing I can’t get it out of my head

always in my head
You, the ever elusive figure in the dark
Me, just someone standingin front of the mirror

I am grateful for Friday ❤

Lost to Silver

 

 

© Pavel Buzev

 

 

It starts, as two wooden blocks scrape together

Why, I don’t know why

Feather-light tickles fan out and scatter

Caressing back of neck and enveloping on and over top of head

The light, blinding behind closed eyes

The light, ever haunting in the background sky

Disappears into blue fireworks as it all fades away

My view forward of nothing other than this black hole

Reaching out, fingertips penetrate

Why, I don’t know why

Diving crown first into the unknown

Finding oneself lost in the eternal shadows

With only memories to guide the way out

Everything’s gone, lost to silver

 

I am grateful to end a chapter and to begin a new one ❤

Ghost

“The Ghost Inside” by Alex Michele 

What a thrill to follow time through its linear course

where I can’t ignore the impulses of mind and body

losing self to whatever it is that could or might be within me;

as in a lost and lonely shadow hovering freely

or just some nonsense, metaphorically pleasing.

The vision flashed a second after the sensation

mind stumbling upon memories outside of reality;

curious if wealth is found in the tragedy of persistence

and the act of being consumed by waiting…wanting?

I forgot what I was supposed to be saying…

what was once thought was ridiculed as naiveite;

we sit here and wonder what the other one is thinking

knowing and denying even through the blinding confirmations.

You elected to run and in that I chose to hide

despite the force pumping haunting wishes inside;

the mysterious ghost, created in pursuit of knowledge but

defeated by self-expectations of others’ in comparison.

 

I am grateful for 2017 but relieved to be moving on to new beginnings. I hope everyone has a safe and happy transition into the new year! ❤

‘Livin’ On a Pear’ Out Now – The Fancy Pears Update

I’ve been working a lot with my band The Fancy Pears so I haven’t had the opportunity to organize myself into magical thoughts of penned realization BUT we released our first album “Livin’ On a Pear” this past Saturday. We’ve been working on it for almost a year, learning how to mix it ourselves before finishing it up. The album is set to be available for streaming on Spotify in a week or so but in the meantime, we’ve posted it on our website: www.thefancypears.com

Tanis

This song is loosely based on the Pacific Northwest Stories Podcast series ‘Tanis.’ Tim and I binged listened to the Podcast when we first found out about it and as it consumed our thoughts, we succumbed to its magic and came up with the melody and lyrics. 

Somewhere, in the atomic ocean

Floating in a sideways motion

The fisherman had lost his bet

His story, told across the land

 

Spinning, some new age logic

Stolen from ancient knowledge

Seventeen upon his head

The bookman finally met his match

 

Holy, you know I feel so holy

If only, the sky would hold me

Arms outstretched and smiling proud

The gambler fell straight to the ground

 

Beauty, you know I’ve seen true beauty

Flowing right straight through me

The runner cried and shook his head

I’ll never see that place again

 

Sunsweat

I wrote the lyrics and the melody to this during my first winter in Wisconsin. Most of the story is true other than me dreaming about it being hot; perhaps it was all a mirage. 

I was sitting on the front porch today

Feeling alone and kind of lame

Sunsweat dripped down my face

Cold sheen on the water’s glass

 

A clown on a bike, passed me by

With two others riding behind

A barking dog chased them all

They were there and then they weren’t

 

Do you feel the sun today?

Am I going crazy?

 

I stumbled coming out the door

And scraped my face along the earth

Light blinds, something burns my eyes

Sunsweat and blood trickle down

 

Field of Hearts

The lyrics for this song were based off of a piece I wrote several years ago. The Fancy Pears filmed it at a haunted house in Madison, Wisconsin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFuZ9c5bCJ4 

I could feel the cracks

Like I was a thin piece of glass

Fragile fingers enclose the frame

Bright eyes follow through the pane

 

In the field of hearts

There is a queen above us all

Shading the light with her advertised wisdom

In the field of hearts

There is a queen standing tall

She assumed the battle won

With all her fiends around us

 

Led by the wordsmith in a hat

Guided by thoughts that drive us mad

White rabbit whiskers lead the path

Counting time as it turns back

 

In the field of hearts

There is a queen above us all

Shading the light with her advertised wisdom

In the field of hearts

There is a queen standing tall

She assumed the battle won

With all her fiends around us

 

Off with her head, singing

Off with her head

To lay above our bed

Off with her head

 

Off with her head, singing

Off with her head

To lay above our bed

Off with her head

 

 

As Told by the Owl

We live in a fucked up society.

 

Bluebird across the water

Come and play with me

Let me have one song to sing

Underneath your tree

Old red tail hawk flew by

Shadow in the leaves

A belly hunting to satisfy

Hovering over me

 

In the graylight of the hour

Will you follow me?

A devil’s waiting for you here

To take you in your sleep

Go on and don’t look back

Cry away your fears

The wind will keep your feathers dry

All throughout the years

 

Up above the treetops

Here you sit with me

The darkness keeps us closer

The stars within our reach

Look up now little one

Pay no mind to me

The moon will greet your spirit home

Follow the light to see

 

Shine on

 

I am grateful for inspiration ❤

Office Lights

City Street At Night Wallpaper Desktop Background by Stina Haglundh

 

In the dark of night, the city burned

Lamp haze illuminating out towards alleys and their mysterious corners,

Ordinary objects of notice depending on circumstance

Lining the drive forward one beacon after another

 

The car encapsulating our secret, you distant

Yellow windows arranged into faces peered down and I just kept thinking,

“how many of those poor lonely bastards are still caged in their towers?”

Whether intentionally or not

 

It was at this moment that my voice betrayed me

Completely consumed by the lit geometry of society

I didn’t feel your attention, didn’t hear your question

But there I was replying to something worth answering

“I hate it here.”

 

The last word trailing off into the hum of the car engine

Shadowy fingers of night reaching out and grabbing any response given,

I found myself silenced in the despair of confusion

Bewildered by my bizarre state-of-being

 

You kept driving to the center of everything

The weight of your hesitation creeping over the center console,

Isolating my thoughts to focus on sensing rather than seeing

As we always tend to do

 

Eyes glued to the graveled shoulder of pavement

Never daring to confirm if you were still in the car with me,

Knowing and questioning through the silence

Feeling insecure and lost in the absence

…

Thinking back, I’m not sure where I meant by ‘here’

The metropolis mirroring my favorites of experience,

Chicago, New York, Dublin, Miami

Visions design a conglomerate of what it is and what I’d like it to be

 

Claiming architect to discern the meaning, if any

Retelling the story as if there’s supposed to be an epiphany,

Over and over the memories tickle reasoning

As flashes of office lights dance behind my eyes

 

I am grateful for car rides ❤

I believe

I believe in existence, in the finality of death
Of what it means to by claimed by conviction
Or the battles raging in others’ heads

I believe in love, in the wickedest of ways
Empathetic to the hostile touch of abuse
Anxious for those who never get away

I believe in forgiveness, in changing one’s thought
To break the barrier between the “other”
Learning to understand instead of finding fault

I believe in magic, in the wonderment of mystery
The want to appreciate every miracle’s deed
Even if the desire seems trite or silly

I believe in science, in the progress of humanity
I believe in learning facts before claiming Master
I believe in more than what’s reflected of modern society

I believe in hope, what’s created in happenstance
To the excitement of being happy
From the relief granted by chance

I believe in now, to define past and present
Because there’s nothing greater than this life
Other than the finality in the death of existence.

I am grateful for the rest of the World and humbly apologize for America and her stupid ego ❤

Soul of Martyr

Unknown Artist

Oh, phantom memories in their ever-haunting ways

Seeping colorful dreams that paint the chance of escape

I surrender this skin, burnt flesh reformed into something pleasant

A soul of martyr to remain a lost lover for centuries

 

Thin layers of time have folded in this simple state of mind

Senses attacked by fables now threatening to embalm hindsight

Since when did we decide to accept fate as bestowed by the heavens?

I forfeit my role in consciousness to prove my dedication

 

For thy heart, erase these foreign layers of today

We are one in the same as we were yesterday

No wiser in understanding the common assemblage

Forever incomplete in the art of mental association

 

Consume this World, learn to inwardly imbibe

There’s poison in the feelings thickening our minds

Only a few need to forget so the rest will survive

You must continue, I choose action in sacrifice

 

I am grateful for you ❤